Now that it's been almost a month that my brother's back home, I'm finally in a position to write things about him. Things that have changed, things that have not changed.

Well, he as a person has not changed a bit. It horrifies me to imagine how his room-mates must have tolerated his never-ending-walks in circles bloody all the time, his obsession for coffee shakes, his speed of words, his anger, his concern when the guilty pleasures cross the limit, etc etc etc.

There is always a patience test whenever we go to receive him at the airport. Every boy, bloody every boy of his age looks like him. Tall, dark and handsome(some of them) ;-) But this time, it was much more than just a mere patience test. It was a board exam. It was the day after the Delhi blasts and the airport seats had their day. No common man was permitted to step in - safety reasons, they say. And the whole crowd, with or without name boards was standing out. It was our bad luck that the wind didn't blow that day, and the stalls had melted ice creams and coffee-less coffees and limited packets of salted potato chips. Eager elderly ladies of the house brought the whole family to the airport half an hour before the scheduled time. They had their noses make huge clouds on the glass from where we could see passengers of the previous flight look at us like celebrities. It was undoubtedly interesting to be standing near that huge glass, listening to all sorts of comments almost each one in the crowd passed watching each passenger, but the entertainment graph fell drastically when I realized that all the mosquitoes in the world were having a ball party on top of our heads and it was uncomfortable imagining them having our blood as their feast that night. So I made my way out of the crowd, and found my father sitting on the bonnet of the first car in the parking lot, studying the other long and sleek cars parked there.

"Hi Pops, what doing here?", I asked him as I saw my sister coming towards us with a wide grin on her face, and the reason was realized on lowering my eye lids just a little - 3 packets of Lays and a cup of tomato soup in her hands. I love the fact that she's a foodie (I never told her this ever though) - she loves food...err... her type of food. Offering us the latest purchase was a formal courtesy, and we quite respected it. After she finished, we kept walking till we heard a shrilling voice announcing that his flight had arrived. The three of us entered the tired crowd, and our way till the glass again.

After not many bad guesses, we could finally picture our boy! BOY!! He looked neat - clean shaved, gelled hair, a brown T-shirt nicely tucked in a low-waist(just-about-to-fall) jeans, awesome heavy shoes (he's got a brilliant dressing sense, but I personally admire his taste for shoes the most) and the heaviest bags in the market on the trolly and a shoulder bag - huge enough to fit in his "lappy" as well. We ran towards the entrance, with what speeds, I tell you, and yeah, I hugged him first! A tight hug! He almost lifted me and the little sister with one hand each! Yo-biceps! Then the greetings and the hugs to the elders. I was more than glad that there weren't any tears this time. Everything becomes so uneasy otherwise. Anyway, a joyous event at the airport.

The driver humbly moved to the left seat, he knew the brother would drive. The elders were to come in the other car. Pa insists that the driver should drive while coming back from the airport. But this never happens. Even the driver knows this now. But what we all didn't know, was quite a surprise this time. It was - that the brother didn't drive rash! His speed was very much under control and his breaks weren't jerky. Good. We were sure of reaching home safely this time. Not that he's hurt us anytime before, just that we were never sure of this before!

Cake cutting ceremony followed by the gift distributing ceremony. The most recent of the events were the little sister's birthday and Ma's birthday, for which he didn't send gifts. The compensation was praise worthy. The little girl was gifted an enormous, beautifully packed fragrances and lotions from the Body Shop. And man, Ma's watch was the best of all his gifts. A brown, sleek, elite, expensive watch. Beautiful. He was but obviously most excited about the watch. Then, of course, the flood of chocolates( I love him!!) and a watch, a pair of shoes and fragrances for Pa. A puffed electric warmer for Badima, for her shoulders and neck. He says that buying a gift for Badima is the toughest job, and we can understand. My gift?? Well, as if he had bought one entire shop of garments, of ladies' tops rather. One full bag of tops of different sizes and beautiful colours and prints. And another bag full of fashion hand-bags, real smart ones. Honestly, I love his taste (though it's quite American) since the very time I realized that he's got a taste at all. Which one's whose, is still a debatable issue, because unlike all other normal sisters, we don't share clothes! Anyway, the fight is still on, and the brother is fed up, already!

We weren't expecting a rush the very next day of his coming back. He had to submit some forms to the DGCA, it was the due date. He also had to look for a coaching institute or a good renowned teacher for the exams that he'll now be preparing for. I also had a busy day and the little one had her school. So it had already started becoming routine days for all of us and I wasn't really liking this. I couldn't even get to spend much time with him. And it went like this for a week. A good god-damned week!!

A week later, everyone realized, that if not a big party, there needs to be some celebration. And then there was this very bright idea of dining at a 5-star hotel. The little one wore her birthday dress. Ma and Pa looked graceful. The best part of all this was, that even Badima agreed to accompany this time. Usually, it's hard to convince her to come along, when we're dining out. The place was great and the food was good, really.

And then I took out time from office to stay at home. I took a 3-day leave from office. The brother wasn't the reason, but we inevitably spent great amount of time with each other. We talked of a lot of things. And for a change, I intended to listen to him more than blabbing my endless tales.
He's still the same, the very same he was one year back. He keeps walking in circles, around the dining table, so much so, that Badima almost faints. He speaks so fast, that Pa sometimes asks him to stop, so that I can repeat. He messes the house so much, that I'm tired of cleaning my room now. I just don't do it anymore until he's asleep. I wonder if I do it just as a habit, because he wakes up before me and I see the room in a shape I don't leave it in before sleeping, sadly. He has a bad habit of interrupting in between while one speaks, in order to argue. This mostly happens when he's more than excited. And one good thing, is that he spends lavishly on his sisters.

The sisters are very possessive about him. And it's more than strange that in his presence, we almost compete for his favor. Both of us want him on her side, and the irony is that the sisters are never on the same side. This inevitably results in fights, the big ones. The stranger fact is that when the brother is not around, we discuss this issue amongst us, looking for a solution, because both of us realize this, but sadly, there seems to be none. Anyway, we're glad to have a sensible bro, who takes less interest in our fights, and more interest in stopping them, if not solving issues. Good enough, life moves on..

These days will never come back. I may have to go out of the city any day, whenever I fetch a better ob for myself, and the family is prepared already. Brother's job is such that once he is employed, he'd hardly ever sit at home. The youngest one anyway calls herself the "paraayaa dhann"(!!!) I want to make the most of THIS time we have. A healthy siblings' relationship, which I'd remember my entire life!!

:-)

Talk of records???

TODAY is the day, I broke all my previous records.

Last night, slept at 8 p.m. (!!) and got up at 7 this morning!

If this is not enough, I dozed off after breakfast again, and woke up at 12!!

All this, and I'm expected to to off to sleep before 11 today because I have a busy day tomorrow!

Goodnight!! (zzzzzzzzzzzzz...........)

My First Day in my "OFFICE"

eeeeeeeeeeeeee.......
It feels BIG!!!

Though well, I did nothing
just some random stares and mere observations
I was introduced to everyone with obliged considerations
all I did was pass a smile, at every eye contact
I saw all others busy with their usual work attack
I kept sitting by my senior's desk, watch him make the SAP profiles
and saw others digging endlessly into the piles of files

The AC in the room was very strong
my thin casual attire seemed just so wrong
I pledged to abide by the formal dress code
With all the pleasantness that everyone showed
the work has not begun, there is no pressure
but for how long can they spare a fresher?

But yeah boys!! I'm all armed..
I see the battlefield not so alarmed
on seeing such a prepared warrior
the army ignorant, busy, darned

Amongst the tall shadowing tress, I feel like a little twig
But after a dependent, teenage boring life, Oh my Godzziii.... it feels so BIG!!!

Will remember this day...

FOR:

• My brother finishing his end-of-course flight in the U.S. of A. He's been scheduled for his final check-ride now! He'll be back very very sooon!!
  

• I've been selected in Sony India Pvt. Ltd. !!! The junior most post of an engineer with not-so-fascinating salary package.. but I'm happy for the brand name.. Sony!!

Being Happy...

.. is such a relative emotion. In fact, I find the very word "happy" extremely relative.

It's not about things that make you happy; things being big or small. It's not about the degree of happiness. Meaning to say, it's not about the cause or effect, but the very state of being happy.

There is happiness that is caused by self-satisfaction. And there is happiness when you see your loved ones happy. And when these two are conflicting, there is an all-time sadness.

Self satisfaction accounts for my personal likings and dis likings. Only likings, actually. For example, I can be happy about the weirdest things in the world. Pleasant, bright colors make me happy, an intelligent thought impresses me to drag me to happiness and to beat everything, a good weather. All this makes me happy. But if these be the reasons, I should never be sad at all. But it's not that way, sadly.

To see one's loved one happy, if one needs to compromise one's personal likings, it's reasonable and worth. But I wonder till what extent. It cannot be a rule, for sure. There are things that I like, and probably they don't and I can try convincing them, sometimes successfully, sometimes unsuccessfully. In the unsuccessful times, I understand that there needs to be a compromise from my side. So, there is harmony in relations, in the environment. And supposedly, we're all happy. In such a state, I am bound to ponder upon the degree of happiness. I am definitely not happy(of course, the time period may vary) , because I am the one who's compromised. I wonder if they're happy too. If they're my loved ones, they love me too. They know I've compromised on something, which has certainly disappointed me. If nothing else, who can be happy after a fight, or an argument? But, as I said, the time period of this sadness or disappointment may vary according to the intensity of the issue.

Then, there are times, when I'm happy without a reason(or with one that I've failed to acknowledge, maybe) throughout the day. And there are days when I so want to smile and laugh, but I'm looking for reasons. On such days, even chocolates don't help(it's taken a lot of courage for me to accept this though). And on such days, it's irritating and frustrating when a good news also doesn't leave an impact. It's stupid to see oneself sulking for no reason at all(or one that I've failed to acknowledge, maybe) and seeing others celebrating things.
Probably this is what people call "feeling low". And though I've experienced it many times, I've not yet found a logic to it.

It does make sense adding here that I've heard people genuinely calling me a happy person. And till recently, I had no ( or less than valid) reasons to deny. But now, I'm not very sure if it's a statement, or reminder.

Anyway, who doesn't want to be happy? There are people who slog day and night, because they want happiness. And there are people who are happy because they're idle, or vice versa.

Though people can seldom be classified correctly, I personally admire people who do not reach the extremes. As in, neither can the biggest jackpot in the world ever excite them to a level of madness, losing senses and all that, nor can the usual hassles of a struggling life ever dump their lives into pool of sadness. No, they're not dead people, they're happy and sad with the course of events in their lives. Normal people experience this as just another "calm state" in their lives, but these special people I admire, are always in this state. I admire them because they're strong, emotionally. And hence, very practical, in every approach. And it's not a reason, but they're so damn unlike me!! ( :-P )

When we talk of reasons, sulking, depressions etc, there are two easiest remedies. While we all know them, it doesn't strike us in the time of need! One being meditation. It makes us feel out of the box. The second being thinking about the ones who're not as lucky as we are. We do not get to choose our lives, our families but we get to choose the way we want to lead our lives. Some people don't even get that. Thinking of people who're physically or mentally challenged, or those who've not got families which are as supportive as ours, make me thank God a hundred times and I feel I have no right to crib!
(But aisa harr baar nahi chalta.. )

The Shopping Freaks!

Pa's been exporting a lot many scarves lately to U.S. of A. and is so very distracted from his usual apperal and garments' export line these days. I somehow got more than curious to ask him why.
This is what he had to say in turn:
"These Americans are so fondly obsessed with shopping, that every time they'd walk out of their houses, they'd be back with at least one newly purchased item. Now that the economy is not very healthy, and people are avoiding buying heavy stuff for themselves, they buy simple stuff like scarves to feed their addiction."

Pa and I had a great laugh at this. But since he's so sure about this attitude, I took a mere advantage of clarifying that his daughters are much better and that he shouldn't be shocked when he sees that our window shopping is as "severe" as our planned one! :-)