Tuesday, October 28, 2008

HAPPY DIWALI

It feels great to have decorated the house.

It feels great to have attended to a respectable number of guests at home.

It feels great to have treated the younger siblings at McDs and Dominos because this miser feels generous today.

It feels great to have pampered Pa like a child because his mood was off in the morning.

It feels great to have dressed up nicely today, wearing a suit I bought 2 years back, and got stitched a year back, and finally wearing it for the first time today. (Ofcourse, the fitting wasn't that great though)

It feels great to have a serious puja session in the evening, because the music was good.

But what I have felt best about are the facts that a muslim senior wished me, in office, and through an SMS and, that a christian auntie from the neighbourhood bakes a cake for us every Diwali.
I am not very fond of the fact that we have so many religions in our country, because this fact only contributes to more filth in the name of politics, and nothing more. We as Indians live more as humans than as a Hindu or a muslim or a christian in our day to day lives. Practicing our respective religion has become more of a personal issue than a cultural issue. But anyway, it felt great to have shared our celebrations with people who don't call themselves Hindus.

Festivals are one reason I majorly love my country for(no, not for the morals and all anymore). Not only because the country has given me the number and frequency of holidays in 1 year, no other country can, but also because no matter what religion or state or culture one belongs to, everyone has a right to celebrate so many festivals, just so many of them.

This brightness, these colors, this happiness, this spreaded light of little wicks across the horizon seems like such a heaven, no matter whatever the reason be, return of Ram - the king, Ram - the God, Ram - the perfect, or Ram - just another character in a story called Ramayan with his wife and brother, whether it's all for real, part of our very own history, or just a sacred story, whatever be the reason and it's source, i'm glad we have another day to celebrate in our lives, every year, another reason to smile, see everyone around us smile, and make genuine efforts to make others smile and all this, coming year after year after year, for generations.

Tuesday, October 14, 2008

GM to GN

Nothing unusual has happened today. Nothing majorly severe. No great cause of happiness. No deep haunting sorrows. No excitement. No monotony.


Yet I have an urge to write for I know I'll be more than glad to read this post when I have a different routine (or most expectedly, no routine at all) maybe around ten years down the line.

I woke up at around 8.30, with a million unavoidable elements in the world, existent and non existent, to disturb me sleeping. I have to confess that I am just not a morning person, however much I love mornings, their freshness and the healthiest of spirits one gets on waking up early in the morning.
I opened my eyes to the brightest of the ray of the sun, as the curtains were up in time. This so pushed me to wrap myself in the quilt again, but Mommy dearest is at the peak of her anger when I'm late.. and I witness this peak almost everyday. No, I'm not proud of this, but the strongest of the reasons have failed to empower my will power to wake up in time, if not even "early." Anyway, everyone was busy in their routine tasks when I woke up. Pa was going to take a bath and get ready for office. He still gave me a wide smile. I love people who forgive me with a smile :-) I love Pa.
Ma was busy in the kitchen, instructing the maid. New instructions everyday! The maid was very busy trying to catch up with Ma's fast hand at work. Ma wished me goodmorning as I entered the washroom.

The washroom deserves quite some details. The FM is on as we turn the light on. So, there was one of those peppy bollywood number playing on fm 98.3. I stared at the light grey, black and white rocks on the tiles, as I wait for the radio to start with a better number or else I change the station. Anyway.

I was then fresh enough to realize that I was quite late for office. I hurried up, ran to my room, raised my eye-brows on seeing bro almost falling down from my bed, all pillows on the floor, quilt under him, and he, shivering, sleeping, still. Ahhhh....
Anyway, I tried fetching for some good clothes that I have. Gosh, my wardrobe! There was a time I exemplified myself, on having the most maintained wardrobes in the house, to the younger siblings, and look at it now! Whatever! I wondered if I could find something that I had not worn in the last one week or something like that. But I wish I had a better memory. I excused myself from such a pain and rushed in the washroom with whatever I could grab.
The bath MUST be accompanied by the best of the songs. So, I can wait for the entire day for one good song on the radio. If I am lucky, I don't need to switch to much of the stations. Today, I switched to around 3-4 stations to get to one of the latest likes - from the movie "yuvraj ."

Ran out of the steaming washroom with wet feet. Ma laughed. The maid, not undersanding what the joke was, followed the laughter with the same. Everyday I wonder if the conditioner is finished or not. But today, again, I could squeeze out some more, comfortably. I ran to the sister's room for a moisturiser. The sister and I share these little things, half of them in her room, half of them in mine.

I picked my hand-bag up (the one that the bro bought and the one which matches wiht almost all my clothes) , drank a mug of milk(!!) and ran with the car keys. I heard Badima asking me slow down while I took the car out of the parking. I don't like the music when it reverses. It is an instrumental version of "words" but the instrument used is too loud and urrggghhhh. Also, it makes the weird people and not-so-weird people turn around to see who's car it is.

Anyway, I fixed the radio on it, and drove with pleasure, fast, not rash. I encountered a lot of traffic on the U-turn. The office is very close to my house, but the way to it is longer than the way back.

I reached office 10 min late. And that bit is allowed.
I wished the seniors a good morning. And they replied with a smile. I settle down, turn the computer on and wait for it to boot. I have a strange computer at my desk. It functions very slowly initially, say, for about an hour(!), and then the speed is great. At other desks, SAP was slow the entire day, but I had to lament about the speed only for the first hour. It didn't let mecomplain later. But yes, the forst hour needs too much of patience. And I do have it, I havn't broken the computer yet!! I only keep hitting it.

The lunch break is anytime after 1 pm. There are no fixed timings. There are very few people with whom I'd go to have lunch with. If they've already had it, I am happy having it alone, than let a moron accompany me. So, like many other days, I had my lunch alone today. The food was very good, unlike yesterday. The sweet served was gulab-jamun but I couldn't even finish it, the lunch was very heavy.

I feel like sleeping after lunch. But.............. but..................but!!! Well, the work storms in after around 4 pm. As if, we were all abso-bloody-lutely free before that. And the office timings increase, the work load gets more and more severe. Anyway, we somehow get to finish it around 7-8pm.

I reached home dead tired. Ma was cooking in the kitchen while I was shouting for food!! Pa cooled me down, and thought of a joke and when that didn't work, he got me started on what happened in office today. Everything was so damn usual that hardly did I have anything to narrate. So, I quietly waited for the dinner to get ready, and filled my mouth with something and something, secretly.

Then, when I have gained so much of energy, I bump into my siblings to have loads of fun. We're funny and damn entertaining when we're together. The bro comes late - at around 9.30-10 pm after his coaching for his exams. So, till that time, the sister and I chat a lot about fun stuff as she keeps her head down,staring at her books, pretending to study.

I have no clue as to what I keep doing till 11-12 but I just don't sleep before this time, till the time Badima doesn't switch the lights off and pretend sleeping. She's another one! Once, I've switched the tv off, she would stand up thinking of a hundered things to do. Then she would finally switch the lights off at around 2!!
So, 12-2 am is my official day-dreaming period. The time I think about my life, my work, the country, the country-men, the dirty politics, the pleasant weather, the past, the present and the future.

It's a dry routine that I have. But I atleast I don't have to think of ideas to kill time, atleast I'm somehow passing my time with smiles all over. I know I'm walking aimlessly at a path I don't know the destination of. I am not aware of it's directions, it's hurdles, it's smoothness, it's meaning. I hope I am able to find an aim in life very soon.

And I hope I can do something worth with my life, it's a precious thing that I have, I would certainly not like to waste it!!!!



Thursday, September 25, 2008

Now that it's been almost a month that my brother's back home, I'm finally in a position to write things about him. Things that have changed, things that have not changed.

Well, he as a person has not changed a bit. It horrifies me to imagine how his room-mates must have tolerated his never-ending-walks in circles bloody all the time, his obsession for coffee shakes, his speed of words, his anger, his concern when the guilty pleasures cross the limit, etc etc etc.

There is always a patience test whenever we go to receive him at the airport. Every boy, bloody every boy of his age looks like him. Tall, dark and handsome(some of them) ;-) But this time, it was much more than just a mere patience test. It was a board exam. It was the day after the Delhi blasts and the airport seats had their day. No common man was permitted to step in - safety reasons, they say. And the whole crowd, with or without name boards was standing out. It was our bad luck that the wind didn't blow that day, and the stalls had melted ice creams and coffee-less coffees and limited packets of salted potato chips. Eager elderly ladies of the house brought the whole family to the airport half an hour before the scheduled time. They had their noses make huge clouds on the glass from where we could see passengers of the previous flight look at us like celebrities. It was undoubtedly interesting to be standing near that huge glass, listening to all sorts of comments almost each one in the crowd passed watching each passenger, but the entertainment graph fell drastically when I realized that all the mosquitoes in the world were having a ball party on top of our heads and it was uncomfortable imagining them having our blood as their feast that night. So I made my way out of the crowd, and found my father sitting on the bonnet of the first car in the parking lot, studying the other long and sleek cars parked there.

"Hi Pops, what doing here?", I asked him as I saw my sister coming towards us with a wide grin on her face, and the reason was realized on lowering my eye lids just a little - 3 packets of Lays and a cup of tomato soup in her hands. I love the fact that she's a foodie (I never told her this ever though) - she loves food...err... her type of food. Offering us the latest purchase was a formal courtesy, and we quite respected it. After she finished, we kept walking till we heard a shrilling voice announcing that his flight had arrived. The three of us entered the tired crowd, and our way till the glass again.

After not many bad guesses, we could finally picture our boy! BOY!! He looked neat - clean shaved, gelled hair, a brown T-shirt nicely tucked in a low-waist(just-about-to-fall) jeans, awesome heavy shoes (he's got a brilliant dressing sense, but I personally admire his taste for shoes the most) and the heaviest bags in the market on the trolly and a shoulder bag - huge enough to fit in his "lappy" as well. We ran towards the entrance, with what speeds, I tell you, and yeah, I hugged him first! A tight hug! He almost lifted me and the little sister with one hand each! Yo-biceps! Then the greetings and the hugs to the elders. I was more than glad that there weren't any tears this time. Everything becomes so uneasy otherwise. Anyway, a joyous event at the airport.

The driver humbly moved to the left seat, he knew the brother would drive. The elders were to come in the other car. Pa insists that the driver should drive while coming back from the airport. But this never happens. Even the driver knows this now. But what we all didn't know, was quite a surprise this time. It was - that the brother didn't drive rash! His speed was very much under control and his breaks weren't jerky. Good. We were sure of reaching home safely this time. Not that he's hurt us anytime before, just that we were never sure of this before!

Cake cutting ceremony followed by the gift distributing ceremony. The most recent of the events were the little sister's birthday and Ma's birthday, for which he didn't send gifts. The compensation was praise worthy. The little girl was gifted an enormous, beautifully packed fragrances and lotions from the Body Shop. And man, Ma's watch was the best of all his gifts. A brown, sleek, elite, expensive watch. Beautiful. He was but obviously most excited about the watch. Then, of course, the flood of chocolates( I love him!!) and a watch, a pair of shoes and fragrances for Pa. A puffed electric warmer for Badima, for her shoulders and neck. He says that buying a gift for Badima is the toughest job, and we can understand. My gift?? Well, as if he had bought one entire shop of garments, of ladies' tops rather. One full bag of tops of different sizes and beautiful colours and prints. And another bag full of fashion hand-bags, real smart ones. Honestly, I love his taste (though it's quite American) since the very time I realized that he's got a taste at all. Which one's whose, is still a debatable issue, because unlike all other normal sisters, we don't share clothes! Anyway, the fight is still on, and the brother is fed up, already!

We weren't expecting a rush the very next day of his coming back. He had to submit some forms to the DGCA, it was the due date. He also had to look for a coaching institute or a good renowned teacher for the exams that he'll now be preparing for. I also had a busy day and the little one had her school. So it had already started becoming routine days for all of us and I wasn't really liking this. I couldn't even get to spend much time with him. And it went like this for a week. A good god-damned week!!

A week later, everyone realized, that if not a big party, there needs to be some celebration. And then there was this very bright idea of dining at a 5-star hotel. The little one wore her birthday dress. Ma and Pa looked graceful. The best part of all this was, that even Badima agreed to accompany this time. Usually, it's hard to convince her to come along, when we're dining out. The place was great and the food was good, really.

And then I took out time from office to stay at home. I took a 3-day leave from office. The brother wasn't the reason, but we inevitably spent great amount of time with each other. We talked of a lot of things. And for a change, I intended to listen to him more than blabbing my endless tales.
He's still the same, the very same he was one year back. He keeps walking in circles, around the dining table, so much so, that Badima almost faints. He speaks so fast, that Pa sometimes asks him to stop, so that I can repeat. He messes the house so much, that I'm tired of cleaning my room now. I just don't do it anymore until he's asleep. I wonder if I do it just as a habit, because he wakes up before me and I see the room in a shape I don't leave it in before sleeping, sadly. He has a bad habit of interrupting in between while one speaks, in order to argue. This mostly happens when he's more than excited. And one good thing, is that he spends lavishly on his sisters.

The sisters are very possessive about him. And it's more than strange that in his presence, we almost compete for his favor. Both of us want him on her side, and the irony is that the sisters are never on the same side. This inevitably results in fights, the big ones. The stranger fact is that when the brother is not around, we discuss this issue amongst us, looking for a solution, because both of us realize this, but sadly, there seems to be none. Anyway, we're glad to have a sensible bro, who takes less interest in our fights, and more interest in stopping them, if not solving issues. Good enough, life moves on..

These days will never come back. I may have to go out of the city any day, whenever I fetch a better ob for myself, and the family is prepared already. Brother's job is such that once he is employed, he'd hardly ever sit at home. The youngest one anyway calls herself the "paraayaa dhann"(!!!) I want to make the most of THIS time we have. A healthy siblings' relationship, which I'd remember my entire life!!

:-)

Thursday, September 11, 2008

Talk of records???

TODAY is the day, I broke all my previous records.

Last night, slept at 8 p.m. (!!) and got up at 7 this morning!

If this is not enough, I dozed off after breakfast again, and woke up at 12!!

All this, and I'm expected to to off to sleep before 11 today because I have a busy day tomorrow!

Goodnight!! (zzzzzzzzzzzzz...........)

Monday, September 8, 2008

My First Day in my "OFFICE"

eeeeeeeeeeeeee.......
It feels BIG!!!

Though well, I did nothing
just some random stares and mere observations
I was introduced to everyone with obliged considerations
all I did was pass a smile, at every eye contact
I saw all others busy with their usual work attack
I kept sitting by my senior's desk, watch him make the SAP profiles
and saw others digging endlessly into the piles of files

The AC in the room was very strong
my thin casual attire seemed just so wrong
I pledged to abide by the formal dress code
With all the pleasantness that everyone showed
the work has not begun, there is no pressure
but for how long can they spare a fresher?

But yeah boys!! I'm all armed..
I see the battlefield not so alarmed
on seeing such a prepared warrior
the army ignorant, busy, darned

Amongst the tall shadowing tress, I feel like a little twig
But after a dependent, teenage boring life, Oh my Godzziii.... it feels so BIG!!!

Thursday, September 4, 2008

Will remember this day...

FOR:

  • My brother finishing his end-of-course flight in the U.S. of A. He's been scheduled for his final check-ride now! He'll be back very very sooon!!
  • I've been selected in Sony India Pvt. Ltd. !!! The junior most post of an engineer with not-so-fascinating salary package.. but I'm happy for the brand name.. Sony!!

Being Happy...

.. is such a relative emotion. In fact, I find the very word "happy" extremely relative.

It's not about things that make you happy; things being big or small. It's not about the degree of happiness. Meaning to say, it's not about the cause or effect, but the very state of being happy.

There is happiness that is caused by self-satisfaction. And there is happiness when you see your loved ones happy. And when these two are conflicting, there is an all-time sadness.

Self satisfaction accounts for my personal likings and dis likings. Only likings, actually. For example, I can be happy about the weirdest things in the world. Pleasant, bright colors make me happy, an intelligent thought impresses me to drag me to happiness and to beat everything, a good weather. All this makes me happy. But if these be the reasons, I should never be sad at all. But it's not that way, sadly.

To see one's loved one happy, if one needs to compromise one's personal likings, it's reasonable and worth. But I wonder till what extent. It cannot be a rule, for sure. There are things that I like, and probably they don't and I can try convincing them, sometimes successfully, sometimes unsuccessfully. In the unsuccessful times, I understand that there needs to be a compromise from my side. So, there is harmony in relations, in the environment. And supposedly, we're all happy. In such a state, I am bound to ponder upon the degree of happiness. I am definitely not happy(of course, the time period may vary) , because I am the one who's compromised. I wonder if they're happy too. If they're my loved ones, they love me too. They know I've compromised on something, which has certainly disappointed me. If nothing else, who can be happy after a fight, or an argument? But, as I said, the time period of this sadness or disappointment may vary according to the intensity of the issue.

Then, there are times, when I'm happy without a reason(or with one that I've failed to acknowledge, maybe) throughout the day. And there are days when I so want to smile and laugh, but I'm looking for reasons. On such days, even chocolates don't help(it's taken a lot of courage for me to accept this though). And on such days, it's irritating and frustrating when a good news also doesn't leave an impact. It's stupid to see oneself sulking for no reason at all(or one that I've failed to acknowledge, maybe) and seeing others celebrating things.
Probably this is what people call "feeling low". And though I've experienced it many times, I've not yet found a logic to it.

It does make sense adding here that I've heard people genuinely calling me a happy person. And till recently, I had no ( or less than valid) reasons to deny. But now, I'm not very sure if it's a statement, or reminder.

Anyway, who doesn't want to be happy? There are people who slog day and night, because they want happiness. And there are people who are happy because they're idle, or vice versa.

Though people can seldom be classified correctly, I personally admire people who do not reach the extremes. As in, neither can the biggest jackpot in the world ever excite them to a level of madness, losing senses and all that, nor can the usual hassles of a struggling life ever dump their lives into pool of sadness. No, they're not dead people, they're happy and sad with the course of events in their lives. Normal people experience this as just another "calm state" in their lives, but these special people I admire, are always in this state. I admire them because they're strong, emotionally. And hence, very practical, in every approach. And it's not a reason, but they're so damn unlike me!! ( :-P )

When we talk of reasons, sulking, depressions etc, there are two easiest remedies. While we all know them, it doesn't strike us in the time of need! One being meditation. It makes us feel out of the box. The second being thinking about the ones who're not as lucky as we are. We do not get to choose our lives, our families but we get to choose the way we want to lead our lives. Some people don't even get that. Thinking of people who're physically or mentally challenged, or those who've not got families which are as supportive as ours, make me thank God a hundred times and I feel I have no right to crib!
(But aisa harr baar nahi chalta.. )

Monday, September 1, 2008

The Shopping Freaks!

Pa's been exporting a lot many scarves lately to U.S. of A. and is so very distracted from his usual apperal and garments' export line these days. I somehow got more than curious to ask him why.
This is what he had to say in turn:
"These Americans are so fondly obsessed with shopping, that every time they'd walk out of their houses, they'd be back with at least one newly purchased item. Now that the economy is not very healthy, and people are avoiding buying heavy stuff for themselves, they buy simple stuff like scarves to feed their addiction."

Pa and I had a great laugh at this. But since he's so sure about this attitude, I took a mere advantage of clarifying that his daughters are much better and that he shouldn't be shocked when he sees that our window shopping is as "severe" as our planned one! :-)

Saturday, August 30, 2008

Extremist?

The world has survival for the extremes
you're either too rich to buy the lands
or you're too poor to own the skies
If you're anywhere in the middle,
speed up, or lower down.

The nation's got the roads built for the extremes
you're either a minister,
too elite to enter a traffic, a crowd
or you're a beggar
owning the footpaths, the dividers, so proud.

The constitution's got reservations for the extremes
The poorest fight the loudest for the deaf constituency to favor
The richest feed the hardest for the hungry administration that's eager

The society's got an ear for the extremes
you're either a tragedy queen to rule the gossips
or you're too lame to offer fellowships
if you're anywhere in the middle,
Oh! you're a loser!

p.s. - It's better to lessen the wide gap between the richest and the poorest than lifting up the poorest in the name of reservations and sympathy by suppressing the middle class as an award for it's hard work and a bare aim of surviving in the society.

Tuesday, August 26, 2008

You came, you conquered.

We have flaws, our love has flaws
and a perfect love was never what I searched for
and I never searched for you
you came, and you conquered.

When I had just learned to smile at, laugh with, love and live life
you came into my life
I never called it an interference
and acceptance was no favor either
It was an effortless pleasant welcome
when you came, and you conquered.

The love was unconditional
Still, there stood social rules
We tried playing deceiving games
But people aren't fools
Your introduction to a greater part of my life
and when you came, you conquered.

Now that the life is hollow
and I can't see you
There is emptiness all around
the laughter haunts
and the smiles are no where to be found
Now that you've left, and I'm still conquered
my life floats in the thin air
and the dark spirits play with it
and I howl like a small child
I beg of them to walk away
to leave me alone, and stop their play
Me, with those smiles, and the thin air
as I breathe, nothing seems fair

You talked of perfectness when life was at it's best
I talk of imperfections, when death is at it's worse
I'm not scared of tears,
you can keep your fears
just take me with you
as I breathe these last breaths
be by my side
and be the same perfect man,
I never searched for,
when you had just come, and conquered.

Sunday, August 24, 2008

Birthdaysss.... I tell you!!!

So, like a special festival, like navartras and all, we have another festival that we celebrate in latter August. The specialty of such festivals is that they last for a minimum one week period. There's a lot of commotion in the house and everyone(almost) is busy and looking forward to the celebration part of it, usually in the evenings.

Okay, so this one festival I am talking about (in latter August!!) is my younger sister's birthday! It mostly lasts for 2 weeks: one week before her birthday, and another one after that.

No, it's not the same for all the members of the house, it's just so for this little kiddo that we have at our place, probably because she's the youngest, she's got a whole list of GIFTS that she prepares the whole year and very elegantly presents it in the start of the festival. Another reason being, her teenage. Not that I don't shop for myself or I don't like to flaunt new clothes and accessories to my friends, but her frequency of buying things drops frequency largely when her birthday is round the corner, only so that no one taunts, "Abhi to itni shopping kari thi" (you've just shopped so much recently!) So, call her sensible in some sense, but all the praises are fed to dogs when she produces her list. It's one attack, I tell you.
So, the first week is both, exciting and tiring, shopping for the girl. We're eating out, we're discussing the gifts, digging in to the good stores and coming home as dead tigresses.
The due day is the family day. Sitting, chatting and going out to lavish eating places to dine with family.
The following week is "her" week. The outings with the bestest friends (the first-order friends), showing off the bestest shopping done in the previous week, the treats in the school canteen to the rest of the acquaintances(the second-order friends) and the small little colony market treats to the colony/tuition friends. This is also her time of revenge, with those who've been fighting with her, her most liked group of friends. She doesn't invite them for her treat, but instead, their friends further.

It was exceptional this year, though. Not because the festival was shortened, or the celebrations were lighter, but because the list was THE SHORTEST this time. It was just a one-piece dress. Not an evening gown, something casual, something very smart. Very reasonable, I'd said. Little did I know that the length of the list doesn't matter, the availability and the perfect choices do.

That day (when she proposed this idea of "just a dress") and yesterday.. man!!! She and I had left no shopped turned upside down in our city. Each shop, each stock, the latest, the oldest, the smartest, the cheapest, the costliest, we went through it all. Well, to leak out the precious details, the (strict about clothing)father takes a good look every evening at the birthday shoping, out of general curiosity, so the neck lines had to be proper. And with due respect to our curves and flabs, it may be said that though we're not out-of-shape ladies, we do not possess the sleekest of the statures, and therefore, we couldn't afford a short dress for her(she's got enough to wear them on leggings already; she wanted to avoid the leggings this time). And with the blessed heights that we have, even medium length dresses look short on us!! Hence, we had to be selective in the hunt.

And of course, the hunt started on the first day of the festival and I am more than glad, that we finished it just in time- on her birthday! Late? well.. she was happy, so it's not very late i guess. Oh yes, it took us seven days to search for a decent, smart, fashionable one-piece dress of her size! South-extension, Lajpat Nagar, those malls in Noida, CnM and God knows where all we've been to look for the best for her. She finally liked one in G.K at 'Pepe Jeans' and we paid for it there and then. For God's sake, we were damned exhausted. But you look at her wearing it man, I now feel, it was worth it!

Well, somehow, the whole house as tired that day. When we returned, I was wondering if I actually had the energy to dine out. But it was her birthday, the main day!! I wished she said something about being tired, whether or not she was! Pa entered just 10-15 minutes after we did. He came equally tired from his office, exceptionally tired. But a kiddo that she is, the little darling that we have, no one could afford not dining out that day. So, she humbly suggested that we won't dine at a big place, but any restaurant near-by! Oh God, who'd explain her that 5 km or 55 km, it takes a lot of energy to freshen up and dress up again! Anyway, as I shrunk my eyes pleading Pa to take a break today, and promising her for some other day, I found him another one. He promised her that he'd take all of us to a 5-star hotel some other day and that day, he wanted to take us to Gulati, on Pandara Road. Anyway, great. I dozed off for an hour.

The best part about the dinner there was that even Badima agreed to come along. Usually, she doesn't. The food there is awesome. Not one smart guy in the restaurant - so there was no distraction and we laughed at every joke that anyone cracked, or attempted.

We came back home, merrily and slept, like dead tigers.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY DEAREST SISTER.. though I personally find your head absolutely crack and you're too forceful when you've the slightest clue that the person in front is finding your point valid, I still love you.
There are small fights, big fights, heated arguments, physical fights, and I do say I HATE YOU at times, I still love you.
I know you'd go against me, let me down, leave no stoned unturned to prove me wrong, if you know Pa feels that I'm wrong, because we love him. Anyway, I love you!
-23rd August, 2008

And again she's out. This time, to watch that Ranbir starer flick with her school's bestest buddies. She's wearing the same dress she bought yesterday and man.. that high headed snob, she's on the ninth cloud today! She's happy. I'm happy for her. It's her birthday week, her birthday festival. The teenage birthday festival.

These birthdayssss.... I tell you!!

Thursday, August 21, 2008

And she lived.. and she died.

An intimacy.
A blurred clue.
A dilemma.
A deep thought.
A relationship.
Complete confidence.
A submission.
Ugly state of affairs.
An unsuccessful withdrawal.
A never-ending deep thinking.
The End.

Tuesday, August 19, 2008

They, and me

They love me so much, it hurts.

The fact is, I love them.
The belief is, that I can do anything for them.
The hope is, that I will.
The reality is, that I am time and again shaken violently to realize the (hollow) present, as I sit back in my bright(and unacceptable) past, and fear my sad (and haunted) future.

Saturday, August 16, 2008

Post - Independence

I'd like to thank all those people who've contributed even their least bit in wanting India to be independent of the British rule. Sach, dil se!

And now, like many others, I wonder how independent our nation is. Well, definitely of the British. But not of American economy, to start with. One crash there, and the whole market goes tipsy turvy. This dependency is not unique to India, if I've to console! The whole world's suffered, true. Next?

The next issue is a very common heading in all the newspapers, "Delhi not safe for women!" As if safer in other cities in this country, I wonder. But the national capital, at least, should be secured? Is that what comes to your mind? It's like the wrong-doers here are the most determined lot in the country. It no longer matters to them whether it's day-time or dark, whether a public spot or a secluded one. What can therefore be suggested is that one can only take precautions. No crying, regretting or blaming can defend your mis-hap.
Here, I'd also wish that these girls be accepted in the society, for the sake of their innocence and whatever life they wish to lead. If people can be open minded about talking of legalizing prostitution, they should be equally open minded in general about such issues as well.
Well, next?

I could just not avoid the dirtiest issue of the country. No points for guessing, I jump to politics now. I can't say how our country would have turned up, if the British still ruled our country, keeping in mind the racism and their senseless strictness over all Indian matters. But no freedom fighter, in the wildest of his dreams, could have ever thought of politicians ruining the country till this extent. And why only politics? The inspiration today has moved to the judiciary, the police, each and every government department, posts big or small. Daddy used to say that if Bhagat Singh (or any other freedom fighter for that matter) was to be born as Bhagat Singh in his next life also, he'd anyway commit suicide on seeing such a devastated condition of the country. All hyped up media stunts also bring no government employee to shame. They're all so bloody used to it now, nothing matters to them. A common man today avoids, if not withdraws, any dealing with the government today. He's most scared of the police here, because he's their most easily available target. And huge bribes for a simple F.I.R. You talk of rights?
Any respectable father would fear sending his child to politics. The existing ones have their monopoly. And acceptance is restricted to the ones who can survive in their filth.

The British had to work hard on dividing Hindustan into 2, India and Pakistan. Oh! We have the ones that will only make them proud. The ones who take secret pride in starting religious fights. They sit back, and make sure that the fire keeps burning. I could go on and on about this one, it's so hurting. All I'd like to say is that so many of us believe in God, in some form or the other we call Him by different names, Ganeshji, Shivji, Allah, a divine spirit;

PLEASE PRAY TO HIM FOR PEACE IN OUR COUNTRY.

When we have so many religions in our country, why fight? why not pray together for peace and harmony? Each religion is just another path that leads to God. It's okay if we take different routes, as long as we aim the same destination.
For the atheists, I'd want them to meditate at least. The positive vibes would definitely help, and I'm sure they know it.

Sadly, there is no classification of good people and bad people in reality. But when you see people howling and shouting and dying everyday for no fault of theirs, all celebrations seem fake.

Thursday, August 14, 2008

Remembering you, Daddyji

Dear Daddyji,
Namaste!
I genuinely hope you're doing good. It's been four years now. You must be a three-year-old motu baby by now. I wonder, a girl or a boy.

I'm sure you annoy your mommy a lot. You used to annoy Badima a lot, remember? She misses those silly little fights with you. You always wanted to watch a news channel, and she always had all the babajis in the world shouting at the top of their voices on your T.V. who'd say "chhodo ye moh-maya. iss jagat mein kya rakkha hai??" and how you'd love to switch to "jaaniye humse iss duniya ki saari khabarein, sabse pehle, sabse tez!!" Then, she'd always want the A.C. on for the entire night, and you'd fight for the remote control when you'd feel cold at night. Badima would shout back throwing a sheet at you and your cute little feet would struggle opening it the whole night. Remember?

I hope you don't fuss much about eating food. You were very fond of junk food. Samosas, Dal ke laddoo, gulab jamuns. Your all-time favorite. You never liked the normal sabji-roti and all that. You were diabetic, sadly. But I wonder if it was all that sad for you, because you always made your way to them. Slowing dragging the plate on the dining table towards you. Then you'd break a tiny piece from the biggest piece. You'd later grab it all in your hands, excusing yourself "itne se kya ho jaayega??" Such a baby you were, always!

I'm sure you love to love everyone around you. And you love to be loved. I'm sure you never cry when a stranger picks you up. I know you love to be pampered. And I know you can only love people in turn. You've always loved us. Whenever there was Mumma scolding us for anything, we always knew you'd be the safest shelter. Your laps were our softest pillows. Your letting us comb your scanty hair, made us feel proud hair-dressers. How you'd just sit smiling with 2 cute pony-tails, with both your hands folded, nicely resting on your every-bulging tummy.

I can also guess that you'd grow up to be strong, hard-working, intelligent, and a patient man. You had brought up your younger siblings like your own children, at such a young age. Taking care of their needs, you did all you could for each one of them, knowing you had no inherited-wealth to support you and your family after you lost everything there in Lahore. All you had with you was your packet of all your degrees, and your zeal to live life with a high head, giving it all it could ask of you, as a mere metric-pass student. Working hard and struggling to settle here in India only made you even stronger. The head remained high to know you'd given birth to a son, whose as zealous as you, as hard-working as you, and as tender-heartened as you. You've hence been a proud father, my father has made sure never to let you down.

Your qualities are the wealth we inherit, more than anything else Daddy. We feel proud of you and everything in you.

We miss you.

We hope that you get all you desire and deserve in this life. We hope you always see the best in this world. We hope you're happy, always.

Wednesday, August 13, 2008

Hallucinations?

It's been some time now, and I've been, many-a-times, in a state between being asleep and awake. I'm sure it's not a psychological disorder and I'd like to believe that it is only because these days, I'm staying at home, with practically nothing to do, at all. This free mind and free time, have together brought a sense of emptiness in me.

This emptiness may not be an alien to all, but I guess normally people experience it either when they've just woken up after a long sleep or are about to sleep after a very tiring day. Another reason could be a disturbed sleep.

But in my case, it seems to be even in the day-time, when I'm supposedly completely awake, or trying to do something. In this state of partial consciousness, I find myself in situations or places that have already occurred with me. And the most repeated ones are..

when i turn around: I find myself at a restaurant in Noida, at a food counter, where there's self service and I've taken my thali and turned around to find a seat and I see him waiting for me, smiling, and I smile back!
(Now, imagine somebody just walking merrily and on being called, or for any reason, turning around with hands forth, holding air between them! )

when i open my shut eyes after regaining a lost breath: I find myself apologizing him for being late by good half an hour or an hour.
(And this is another one, I'm found saying sorry-sorry every time I climb the stairs, up or down!)

when i am in the mid of my drive: I find myself asking him the venue for today.
(I'm hence safest with no company while a drive!)

when i jump a red-light: I feel scared to look at my left, scared to face his tough looks!

when i am sitting idle: I find myself talking to him about random things. Family, friends, weather, moods, anything.
(I've started to run sheepishly to my room whenever I find myself reach an idle state!)

when i am asked/required to think sensibly over an issue: I find myself relying on him for his most prestigious and much awaited piece of advice. I find myself, saying things like "he'll be able to decide best!" , "he'll be able to judge best!" , "only he's got the brains to think over such a thing!"
(And I'm practically not thinking a bit about anything, even the most important issues. This is serious!)

when i open my eyes on waking up after a sound sleep: I see a dashboard. I feel the hand break breaking one corner of my waist. I find my head on his laps. I feel his fingers playing with my hair.
(I don't want to comment on this. I'm glad no one notices this one!)

when i am trying to sleep at night: I hear his "goodnight". I feel hugged, tight. And I find myself whispering "goodnight" and sleeping, smiling!

(Fortunately or) unfortunately, the worst (or the best) part of this is, that I have started to find him omnipresent. There is no sense of loneliness in me because of his omnipresence.

One may believe.. I've lost it!
I say.. I'm lovin' it!

Tuesday, August 12, 2008

Ye Mausam Ka Jaadoo Hai Mitawaa...

I'm all smiles today! Those who know me the slightest, must have guessed that half the reason could be the weather today. Well, today, I'd credit it entirely.

The sound of the swinging branches, the race of the dried up leaves sweeping the roads, the touch of the cool breezes, the white clouds of the shapes of all the continents on the earth in the blue-blue sky and everybody tempted to sing his/her favorite song, over and over again, overwhelm me.

So, on this rare occasion of Mr. Delhi playing with the bestest of its moods, I really, realllyyyyy wanted to go out today. Elders in the house had their own procrastination barring them to accompany me but I still wanted Mom to accompany me, for I know she loves less-adventurous, close to-Mother-Nature type of outings.

And here they start, the list and the confusions.

Delhi parks couldn't be a good idea, for we would never want to bear the guilt of the lovers who would otherwise feel scared of making public appearances with their respective partners. Adding to this, is our least interest in "bird-watching". Therefore, missing out the beautiful gardens and their perfectly trimmed greenery was sadly seemingly obvious.

Malls can just not complement a good weather. "What's the use of entering air-conditioned complexes when we're out to enjoy a great weather!" Makes sense.

Shopping out was an idea that brought a wide grin on my face and my Mom, like probably all others, came out with just another stare, a big one. What if we had just gone to heavy-duty shoppings just one week back, for my cousin's wedding and other miscellaneous functions. Anyway, this option wasn't totally ruled out, but we were bent on considering other options.

Amidst all this, were the voices from here and there, solely intending my anger and Mom's discouragement, wanting us to stand very romantically in our very spacious balcony and smile at any soul who peeped out of his window or came out in his balcony. No, not this, not today!

How could the national capital of our very own India, be short of places for innocent mother-daughter couples like ours for an outing in such a pleasant weather?

The next stream-line went desi now. Khan market? Sarojini Nagar market? some what better... umm.. Dilli Haat? Well, why not? I had never been there before, never in these 21 years? Oh God, I've not been a good Delhite. Sad. (Zyaada ho gaya? :-P) Anyway, time to make up for it! So, finally, decided to go to Dilli Haat.

The drive was nice. Parking was a problem, but I'm almost used to it now (because Delhi-Malls=parking problem!) The entrance fee was a minimal cost of Rs. 15. Impressed! But there was a change over going on today. Not-so-impressed. On entering a small path-way, there were old ladies selling colorful anklets. Rest of the market comprised of artificial jewelery, pearl jewelery, Indian cotton kurtis, wrap-around skirts, bed-covers, and souvenirs. And, of course, different stalls of different cuisines. The market on the whole didn't have as much variety as I had expected, but the mausam played it's due role. Slight rain drops, cool breeze and not a great rush, was all that could make a happy outing, in the brightest of our spirits.

Ahh... what a day! I wonder how if Delhi's awesome mausam has been breaking any records.. it's been more than pleasant this entire season. Thank you dear pre-monsoons!!
:-)
:-)
:-)

Friday, August 8, 2008

HAPPY 'RAINY SEASON'!

For almost all possible reasons, I've hated the fact that Indians associate largely everything to their Gods. For everything good, for everything bad, there's ONLY God. I am not an atheist myself, and what all I believe in is another part of the story, but I do not see God the soul reason for everything. He's believed to be the culprit, the savior, the generosity, the judge, the everything! It's a pity how a large part of the country gets swayed so easily.

But perhaps today, whatever be the reason, I realize another aspect of it today. The brighter perception called "celebration"! Others merely enjoy rains. But we, the Indians, celebrate the season(sawan) by worshiping the Gods. Thus, the enjoyment, the whole spirit of a season is doubled, tripled because of such intense devotion being associated to it.

Today, my grandmother hosted a keertan at our place. She invited many ladies of the neighborhood and many of her other friends. And she, very sincerely, took the job of arranging everything herself. She cleaned the portraits of her preachers and put garlands around them herself. (She bought the garlands herself!) She neatly kept the portraits in the living room and even decorated the jyot with rose petals. Everything was absolutely set right half an hour before the scheduled time. (Trust me, the arrangements were impressive!) She welcomed each lady with folded hands and a pleasant smile. Each one sat with utmost discipline and silence.

The keertan wasn't a social gathering at all. All the ladies, with their eyes shut, sincerely engrossed themselves in the purpose of the gathering. After the gathering, each one greeted the other, and without making much noise, left.

Before the keertan, i saw Badima so excited, like a small child packing return gifts for his birthday party. During the keertan, she was, in real sense, magn(!!), I noticed. And after it was all over, man! the million dollar smile on her face, I loved it. A smile of extreme satisfaction and pleasure.

I don't want to comment on how happy the Gods felt or how God would save them from any sort of a punishment. All I'm feeling happy about is that small things in life can give immense pleasure to anyone who intends seeking it.

08.08.'08

:-)

I get very fascinated by such dates. Symmetric ones. Or they may even have a line of symmetry ( eg., 20.11.'02 etc) But dates with the same numbers throughout are the best!

I wonder how lucky it is to be born on such a date! Many would call him lucky because of great numerological reasons. But why I'd call him lucky is because wherever he'd go, he'd fill in this date of birth.. I mean, it's such an attention-drawing issue! And, everyone who'd read it, would definitely smile at least once on noticing it!

I have a cousin who was born last year on 7th July. So the date of birth was 07.07.'07. And 7 being an extra-ordinary number(for various general reasons like days in a week=7 and many Hindu mythological reasons as well), he became the talk of the town! And I don't know what luck has in store for him, he is definitely the cutest and the happiest baby I've seen in my life(touchwood!!).
It's not lame to add here that I possess an extremely bad memory, leading to which, I forget many an important dates. Birthdays, wedding anniversaries, first job anniversaries, etc of near and dear ones. In my own world of clumsiness, I sometimes take fake pride in this. But honestly, it's embarrassing! Therefore, it's very relaxing to be acquainted with someone who's done a big deal on such dates. In fact, I plan to plan something "plannable" today! (ughhh... sorry!)

Happy 08.08.'08!

Thursday, August 7, 2008

GETTING STARTED, ANYWAY..

The beginnings are always strange.
The processes always tedious.
The end results may or may not hold any relation with the original motives.
Acceptance of the creation is independent of it's nature.

Therefore, nothing in this world can prove my work "wrong" or "unworthy of any praises"!

;-)
:-P

On a second and a more sensible thought, I'd like to welcome criticism, slight or extreme, an opinion or any sort of a suggestion. I'm so new to writing.. I'd welcome HELP!!